Acceptance

My Dad died when I was ten

I have memories but they’re wearing thin

Fading away to almost nothing

As time passes our memories start vanishing

Human memory isn’t perfect

Its just life and ive learnt to accept it

I don’t feel sad or angry that he died

What happens in our lives isn’t for us to decide

I will never feel sorry for myself

Or my circumstantial situations

How I choose to deal with negatives

Is my choice and my prerogative

It is in my nature to see positives

And I can see positives for my dads death

Unbelievable and heartless you may say

But let me explain and you might follow my way

As humans we all make mistakes and take the wrong path occasionally

But it is pulling ourselves up, dusting ourselves off and learning from the mistakes that matters

Do I blame my past for any bad choices?

Do I say that if things went right my life wouldn’t be useless?

Do I blame my Dad dying or my parents cos they messed up even though they were trying when they felt like they were barely surviving?

NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!

If my dad hadn’t of died

I wouldn’t have known what its like to have truly cried

I wouldn’t have been taught or learnt how to survive

I wouldn’t have learnt what it means to sacrifice

Wouldn’t be able to tolerate the feeling loneliness

Or how to learn the art of forgiveness

I wouldn’t have seen my Mum as a pillar of strength

Or seen her fall in her heartbreak

Yet with sheer strength she picked herself up and so quick

My Mother is a woman of strength

Of all the widows from that car crash she is the only one that didn’t wither

That continued her and Dads intention of giving their kids a better life than they were given

She found a man that became a dedicated step father

And boy my step dad is tough to the bone, he had to endure me and my shit for the past 20 years that have gone

Not many people pick up on my shit

They definitely don’t call me out on it

But Michael did, he would always say

Stop trying to…. Whatever my motive was and in what way

But he didn’t hold it against me either

Would even joke about it as if we were playing a game where we were both the winner

Maybe he just understands me better

Or maybe he refuses to be a quitter

But I think he is a man of substance

He took on mum and her three kids without question

He made it his mission to do his best

And although ive been a bitch to him

I can see his best was put to the test

But he never gave up he just kept trying to do better

Fuck im glad I have my parents

Im blessed to have a mother so awesome, strong, intelligent and caring

And I have a step dad that probably done as good a job if not better than my own Dad if he was still here

Am I sad or angry that my dad died?

Of course not shit happens that’s life

But without my parents I may have ended up in strife

The moral of my story if you cant already see

Is to never use your circumstances as an excuse for your bad deeds

Its ok to fall and break occasionally

But never give up entirely

The only thing you can be held accountable for

Is your behaviour and attitude that you decide is acceptable

It is up to you. Only you. How you feel, how other peoples actions effect you, the situations you find yourself in, the difference you make in your loved ones lives, the contribution you make to society.

YOUR happiness is YOUR choice!

Not a result of whats happened to you

Or how someone treats you

Or the consequences of your mistakes

 

Learn from your experiences and your mistakes, forgive yourself, keep trying to be a better person than you were yesterday.

©Kylie Haese – 2017

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